Top 10 Ad No-No’s

When I’m Emperor, there will be some big changes in the advertising world. Here are the Top Ten rules, designed to cement my standing as Most Popular Tyrant …

  1. No use of recorded doorbells and ringing telephones is allowed in any ad unless you are selling doorbells or telephones.
  2. In a given week, only one oriental rug company gets to have a going out of business sale.
  3. That oriental rug company only gets to go out of business once.
  4. Car dealers are not allowed to do their own ads.
  5. If there’s a treatable reason why an ad actor can’t get it up, we don’t need to hear about it.
  6. Glaucoma is not an acceptable “side effect” of taking a medication for hay fever.
  7. If we want to know what the phone number is, we only need to hear it once. You do NOT get to rattle it off repeatedly like we are in an auction.
  8. Broadcasters must not run the same ad more than once in a half hour segment. If it was so bad we didn’t “get it” the first time, our attitude won’t improve the second time.
  9. Credit card companies that promise you “rewards” for going into debt will be redirected into the  sale of oriental rugs instead.
  10. Advertisers that read “fine print” disclosures at fast-forward speeds shall be fined at not less than  normal-speed rates.

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