I caught this in the Huffington Post. It covers an aspect of Coming Out to friends that I never thought of. When I got to thinking about it, it covers a lot of other different situations. ” … And wants to be in relationship with the person they need you to be” explains a lot of failed friendships.
“I can’t believe you’re doing this to me.”
It doesn’t hurt to state your piece, shut up, and wait to hear what the others think (as Shore himself narrates that he did.) Shore correctly identifies that particular specie of humankind who frantically tries to hijack any conversation about someone else’s life into a conversation about “me, me, me.”
Check out the full article by John Shore, “With Friends Like These.”
The bottom line, though, is that a gay person coming out soon learns that, like all people, they have two kinds of friends: true friends and faux friends. A true friend of yours loves and wants to be in relationship with the person you really are. A faux friend of yours loves and wants to be in relationship with the person they need you to be.
When push comes to shove, a true friend puts you and your needs ahead of themselves, but a faux friend puts themselves and their needs ahead of you.
Your friends blew it; they definitely proved themselves, at least during that car ride, to be your faux friends. They made your coming out to them about them: about their needs, their comfort level, their convictions. That’s a giant Friend Fail, for sure. When you come out to your friends, it’s supposed to be all about you. Period.