Dear President Bush

California Energy Crisis

It was February 28, 2001. President Bush had recently remarked that California had gotten itself into its own energy crisis, and he didn’t think the government should intervene to bail it out. A lot of readers may agree. in principle. I lost track of how many Californians live in this state today. Few of them deserve to be “blamed” for the current energy problems, and no one voted for energy deregulation. It was legislated upon us.

Whether you support laissez-faire free enterprise, or the strictest government regulation of “public utilities”, one thing’s for sure: Californians have the worst of both worlds. Since then, other states have suffered a couple of bona-fide natural disasters, and President Bush has agreed to look into helping California bail itself out of its own long-term energy shortfalls.

In the true tradition, we asked ourselves this question: if we take President Bush at his word, how would this work? The following letter, privately circulated to date, is our tongue-in-cheek answer:

Dear President Bush,

Just a note to thank you SO much for your recent observation that we Californians got our self into our so-called “energy crisis”, and we can jolly well get ourselves out of it without no federal help, thank you.

It’s about time America stops squandering hard-earned taxpayer dollars on people who will take advantage of the system but just won’t lift a finger to help themselves. When they get into a mess, they just sit around waiting for someone else to bail them out of it. It’s about time someone like yourself, Mr. President, spoke out so courageously against the wastrels who want to destroy everything we’ve worked so hard to build together under the Flag that binds us together as a Nation.

I accept full personal responsibility for the actions of my California state legislators, administrators, Public Utilities commissioners, and for all of our elective and appointive county and city officials who played footsies with your pals at Enron, pocketed the money, and still lost. Verily, I say, they fiddled even as Rome Burned unto the GROUND. And, Mr. President, I know that my neighbors, shivering as we all are with the heat turned down and the lights dimmed or off, feel the same way. We were wrong, we’ve learned our lesson but it’s too late, and you were right all along.

Folks just need to learn to accept responsibility for their own choices and actions. That’s what’s WRONG with America, Mr. President.

So we know we can count on you to feel the same way the next time a category 2 tornado churns its way through Wichita or Kansas City like some cheap trick flaunting her wares in the wrong part of town. Mr. President, these things fling houses into the sky like so many matchsticks. Which is what they are made of, as if they didn’t know. People ought not to build with wood in known twister territory, just to save a few cheap-ass bucks.

When the Red River or lower Mississippi floods the banks and sends whole townships drifting downstream as flotsam and jetsam, and smart-ass Democratic toddlers cry and whine because they can’t find their god-damned mamas, we know you’ll expect the folks there to accept their own personal complicity. Just as we Californians have to cope with our own earthquakes and fools, anybody who builds a house next to a river is just asking for it.

So naturally, we know you’ll also demand that those folks in Houston and Miami pay the piper for own folly without leaning on their overburdened neighbors for FEMA help, “just this one more time”, next time a hurricane slams through town. The guaranteed result is another billion dollar repair bill as a free gift to the American Taxpayers. Frankly, Americans are getting darned sick and tired of this artificially contrived “disaster” crap, where everybody knows all those people just brought it upon themselves.

And, of course, you know it’s just ruining the e-conomy. Why, the last major earthquake in Los Angeles caused insurances companies to have to pay out over FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS of stockholder money to all those idiots who weren’t self-insured. If we aren’t all here to help each other out equally, what in hell are we all here for anyway, dammit?

Your admirer as always.

Sincerely, and copyright 2001,

Alex Forbes

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