Thank You for Contacting Us
To: Bookspan Customer Service <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Subject: Re: Thank You for Contacting Us
Dear Member Services,
Thank you for your auto-reply. Well yes, we _did_ send our inquiry at 8PM Eastern Time, two and one-half hours before the close of your business day -- but we're certainly not going to disrupt a published work schedule just because we felt like purchasing books at the moment.
Two business days response time really gives us way more time than we could use to make other arrangements, but the spirit of your frivolously generous offer is always appreciated.
Two days? It boggles the mind to think how many books could be purchased in two days of shopping. Happily, it was only an impulse purchasing decision.
And, God willing, we'll still try to be ready for your response when it comes!
Please take all the additional time you wish. Unfortunately, our shopping hours are not as predictable as your regular published business hours. They never will be. If we need additional books and the mood strikes us, we could always respond with a second purchasing attempt at some other time.
If you have difficulty contacting us with a technical concern, such as whether we may actually still want to buy these books or not, please allow more processing time, as we would need to compose a dignified response and route it back through the Customer Firewall. Our backlog of indecision and waffling is regrettably at least as impenetrable as your two-day backlog of customer service inquiries.
Haven't you tried deleting every other e-mail? It works for us.
We do not have regular or dedicated hours for this sort of task. I must share, in strictest confidence, that sometimes we experience difficulty summoning the motivation to get back to you as promptly we know we should!
We fall into the unenviable second tier of lackluster consumers who lack the gladiator spirit and competitive drive required for truly successful power shopping.
Think of us, if you will, as befuddled drivers having a "senior moment". Having gotten hopelessly lost on a trip to the grocery store, we may end up driving home with $400 worth of new tires on our cars instead. Sure, the grocer gets cheated in this transaction, but the customer saves face, drives home happy, and the tire company is delighted to get the unexpected business.
If you do not hear from us, it's probably just because we bought the books elsewhere, or maybe we just decided we didn't feel like buying any books after all.
Most of all, smile and have a great day. You're already on the Internet!
At 08:01 PM 9/20/2001 -0500, you wrote:
Thank you for contacting Member Services. Our hours of operation are Monday through Friday, 6:00 A.M. to 11:00 P.M. Eastern Time.
We have received your email and will process your request within two business days during our regular business hours. If we need additional information or need to contact you about our actions we will respond with a second email.
If you are contacting us with a technical concern, please allow more processing time as we may need to contact our technical staff for resolution.
If you do not hear from us, it's because we have completed your request.