Old is When ...

Red Buttons, appearing on Dennis Miller's Show, announced he was 80 years old but that 80 is not "old." Red explained:

"OLD" is when..... your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"

"OLD" is when..... your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

"OLD" is when..... a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

"OLD" is when..... going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

"OLD" is when..... you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

"OLD" is when..... you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

"OLD" is when..... "getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today.

"OLD" is when..... "getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

"OLD" is when..... an "all nighter" means not getting up to pee!

"OLD" is when..... your doctor doesn't give you x-rays anymore but just holds you up to the light.

"OLD" is when..... a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door nearest your car.

"OLD" is when..... you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.

"OLD" is when..... you enjoyed the Big Band Era: Sioux, Iroquois, Apache, Crow ...