The 20 Laws of Life

These anonymous quips have been circulating the Internet, but most of them are new to me, and several are really good.

1. Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

2. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

5. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

6. Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), without fail, the one you were just in will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

7. Law of Bath Probability: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that something doesn'twork, it will, or vice-versa.

10. Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Law of Event/Theater Seating Probability: At any event, the people whose seats are farthest from the aisle arrive last, have to go to the bathroom the most, and usually leave first.

12. Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Dirty Carpets: The chances of an open-faced peanut & jelly sandwich landing face down on the carpet are directly correlated with its newness, color and cost.

15. Law of Universal Location: No matter where you go, there you are.

16. Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

17. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

18. Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

19. Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

20. John's Law: You no sooner sit on the john, then the front doorbell rings.