Kids' Instructions On Life

Never trust a dog to watch your food. - Patrick, Age 10

When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents. - Matthew, Age 12

Never smart off to a teacher whose eyes and ears are twitching. - Andrew, Age 9

Wear a hat when feeding seagulls. - Rocky, Age 9

Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning. - Stephanie, Age 8

Never try to hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. - Rosemary, Age 7

Don't flush the john when your dad's in the shower. Lamar - Age 10

Never ask for anything that costs more than five dollars when your parents are doing taxes. - Carrol, Age 9

Never bug a pregnant mom. - Nicholas, Age 11

Don't ever be too full for dessert. - Kelly, Age 10

When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him. - Heather, Age 16

Never tell your mom her diet's not working. - Michael, Age 14

Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat. - Joel, Age 12

When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone. - Alyesha, Age 13

Never try to baptize a cat. - Laura, Age 13

Never do pranks at a police station. - Sam, Age 10

Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving. - Rob, Age 10

Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what your mom told you to do. - Hank, Age 12

Remember you're never too old to hold your father's hand. - Molly, Age 11

Listen to your brain. It has lots of information. - Chelsey, Age 7

Stay away from prunes. - Randy, Age 9

Never dare your little brother to paint the family car. - Phillip, Age 13

Forget the cake, go for the icing. - Cynthia, Age 8

Remember the place you are always welcome: grandma's house. - Joanne, Age 11

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The 100 MPH Goat
12 Apostles
21st Century Words
400 Trillion Trillion Pints of Beer
6th Grade Science
Age Barometer
Air Force Squawk Sheets
Amazing new discovery
Another Attorney Joke
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Bear and Pastor
Beer Festival
Beer and Flies
Richard's Believe it or not!
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Bigger Guns
Biggest State!
Bill Clinton and St. Peter
1994's Most Bizarre Suicide
Fixin' To Sing The Blues
Boat Race
Bricklayer's Story
British newspapers
By The Numbers
Cat Diary
Catholic School
Cats Top Ten
Chattanooga Choo Choo - NEW!
Church Memorial Plaque
Worst Commencement Advice
Corporate Compliance
Computer Haiku
Cow Strikes Trawler
Cowboy Jim
Crow Mystery Solved - NEW!
Cute Spell Checker
Candidate for Darwin Award...
Dead Horse
Defendant's Arm
Depressed At Sea
Desiderata 2000
Dot Com REAL Story
Drunk Driver
Elevator God
Engineer BBQ’s
Engineer "Takes"
Engineers vs. Business Executives....
Exit Poll
Facts You Might Remember
Fear of Flying - NEW!
Feeling Old Today?
Fish Story
Fishin' License
Fishing Tackle
Fraud Warning (Humor)
God vs. Satan
Gogh Family
Hawaiian Rules
Head of Lettuce
Heaven or Hell?
History of Balls
Hokey Pokey
Hole He Goes - Mondegreen
"Homosexual Agenda"
How Fights Start
Hypnotist - NEW!
I Took a Cab Home
If God Had a PC...
When Insults Had Class
Iraqi TV Guide
It's Elementary
Junk Mail Ideas
Kids on Life
Kids On Marriage
Laws - Origin
20 Laws of Life
Life in Silicon Valley
Life in Vermont
Liquor Warning Labels
Little Bars of Soap
Love and Marriage
MIT Student
Mens' Classes
Met Any of These People?
How I Met My Wife
Military Specs
Mixed Breeds
Morons Among Us - NEW!
Moses and Jesus
Good Luck, Mr. Gorsky
Newsgroup Personalities
Next Witness!
Notable Bungles
Office Affair
Office Comebacks
Old is When ...
Old Timers Poem
Parrot and Chicken
Password Protection
Peace Talks
Perl in Latin
Phone Lines
Physician Statistics
Picture Without Words
Political Correctness
Prepared Chicken
Priest and Rabbi
Programmer and Engineer
Psychic Dog
Rabbi Advice
Rabbi's Advice
Raiders Fan
Rigged Survey
Seattle Symphony
Senior Life
Senior Moment
Shy Guy
Singles Ad
Snippets - by Ed Lockhart
Son In Law
Southwest Airlines
Speeding Chicken
Spring Hiker's Alert
Talking Dog
Talking Frog
Talking Parrot
Texas Engineer
Thank You for Contacting Us
Then and Now...
Three Beers
Tomato Garden
Traffic Stop
Trojan Hoax
Two Nuns
Veni, Vidi, Velcro
Very Short Story
WalMart Wine
Where to Retire
Things I Wish I'd Known
Women of Kabul
World War
Y2K Backup System
Zen Master
bin Sleepin