Heaven or Hell?


While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in," says the man.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises... The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

"Now it's time to visit heaven."

So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

So St Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.

"I don't understand," stammers the senator "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were Campaigning!

 


Return to HUMOR Index
The 100 MPH Goat
12 Apostles
21st Century Words
400 Trillion Trillion Pints of Beer
6th Grade Science
Age Barometer
Air Force Squawk Sheets
Alcohol WARNINGS
Amazing new discovery
Another Attorney Joke
Arthritis
Aviation Humor
Badtimes Virus
Bagpiper
Bagpipes
Bar Shorts
Bear and Pastor
Beer Festival
Beer and Flies
Richard's Believe it or not!
Best Diet
Bigger Guns
Biggest State!
Bill Clinton and St. Peter
1994's Most Bizarre Suicide
Fixin' To Sing The Blues
Boat Race
Bricklayer's Story
British newspapers
Bulwar-Lytton
By The Numbers
Cat Diary
Catholic School
Cats Top Ten
Chattanooga Choo Choo - NEW!
Cheerios
Chicken
Church
Church Memorial Plaque
Worst Commencement Advice
Corporate Compliance
Computer Haiku
Confessional
Congressman
Copy
Cow Strikes Trawler
Cowboy Jim
Crow Mystery Solved - NEW!
Cute Spell Checker
Candidate for Darwin Award...
Dead Horse
Defendant's Arm
Depressed At Sea
Desiderata 2000
Dot Com REAL Story
Drunk Driver
Ducks
Elevator God
Engineer BBQ’s
Engineer "Takes"
Engineers....
Engineers vs. Business Executives....
Exit Poll
Facts You Might Remember
Fargo
Fear of Flying - NEW!
Feeling Old Today?
Fish Story
Fishin' License
Fishing Tackle
Forklift
Fraud Warning (Humor)
Funeral
Gendarme
God vs. Satan
Gogh Family
Golf
Hawaiian Rules
Head of Lettuce
Headlines
Heaven or Hell?
Helicopter
History of Balls
Hokey Pokey
Hole He Goes - Mondegreen
"Homosexual Agenda"
How Fights Start
Hypnotist - NEW!
I Took a Cab Home
If God Had a PC...
When Insults Had Class
Interview
Intro
Iraqi TV Guide
It's Elementary
Junk Mail Ideas
Kids on Life
Kids On Marriage
Laws - Origin
20 Laws of Life
Life in Silicon Valley
Life in Vermont
Liquor Warning Labels
Little Bars of Soap
Love and Marriage
Lying
MIT Student
Marketing
Marooned
Mens' Classes
Met Any of These People?
How I Met My Wife
Microserf
Microsoft
Military Specs
Mixed Breeds
Mom
Morons Among Us - NEW!
Moses and Jesus
Good Luck, Mr. Gorsky
Newsgroup Personalities
Next Witness!
Notable Bungles
Office Affair
Office Comebacks
Old is When ...
Old Timers Poem
Packages
Parrot and Chicken
Password Protection
Peace Talks
Perl in Latin
Phone Lines
Physician Statistics
Picture Without Words
Political Correctness
Prepared Chicken
Priest and Rabbi
Programmer and Engineer
Psychic Dog
Rabbi Advice
Rabbi's Advice
Raiders Fan
Rigged Survey
Rudolph
Seaman
Seattle Symphony
Senior Life
Senior Moment
Shy Guy
Singles Ad
Snippets - by Ed Lockhart
Son In Law
Southwest Airlines
Speeding Chicken
Spring Hiker's Alert
Talking Dog
Talking Frog
Talking Parrot
Texas Engineer
Thank You for Contacting Us
Then and Now...
Three Beers
Toasters
Tomato Garden
Tombstones
Traffic Stop
Trojan Hoax
Trucker
Two Nuns
Veni, Vidi, Velcro
Very Short Story
WWJD
WalMart Wine
Where to Retire
Things I Wish I'd Known
Women of Kabul
World War
Y2K Backup System
Yesterday
Zen Master
bin Sleepin