Bill Clinton and St. Peter
Clinton died and went to heaven-or, to be legally accurate, approached The Pearly Gates. After knocking at the gates, St.Peter appeared.
"Who goes there?" inquired St. Peter. 'Tis I, your Lordship, President Bill Clinton."
"And what do you want?" asked St. Peter.
"Lemme in!" replied Clinton.
"Soooo," pondered Peter. "What bad things did you do on earth?"
Clinton thought a bit and answered, "Well, I smoked marijuana-but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't inhale. I guess I had extramarital sex-but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't really have sexual relations. And I lied, but I didn't commit perjury."
After several moments of deliberation St. Peter replied, "OK, here's the deal. We'll send you someplace where it is very hot, but we won't call it 'Hell.' You'll be there for an indefinite period of time, but we won't call it 'eternity.' And don't 'abandon all hope' upon entering, just don't hold your breath waiting for it to freeze over."